Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
