I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
