I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We are all done wearing pants today
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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