Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
