Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
