Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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