I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
