guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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