On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pants are for mortals
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
