oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
