i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
