I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
