so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just pee around me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
