we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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