and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I love having hate sex.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
