Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
