just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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