It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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