Where did you get a picture of my penis
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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