So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
