Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
