she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
