To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
