Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
