I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
