your parents love me but you hate me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
