Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
