Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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