After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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