You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
