Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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