still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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