Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
