dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
