Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wear drunk well.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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