I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
