GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
