My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
