can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
