well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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