my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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