Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
