sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
