I wanna bring you to show and tell
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
