When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Say something about gay babies.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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