Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
