Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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