I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
