You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
