Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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