i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
