I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
